Obstacles make simple things feel hard. Whether I’m working with a client on a minor shift or a major transformation, there’s often a sense of frustration. It’s not that people are unwilling or lack the desire; it’s that these changes are often more complex than they appear.
As someone who’s struggled to make lasting changes in my own life, I’ve learned that it comes down to a crucial distinction: is this an external obstacle or an internal one? Each requires a different approach, and getting to the root of these hidden barriers is key to tackling any challenge effectively.
Let’s dive into the difference between these two types of obstacles, how to identify them, and how to use this awareness to make meaningful changes in your life.
External vs. Internal Obstacles
External obstacles are tangible factors—things like time, money, resources, or other people’s demands. They exist in the world around you.
Internal obstacles, on the other hand, are rooted within: beliefs, fears, unmet needs, or habits that create resistance. They are often hidden beneath the surface, making it harder to see why change isn't happening.
When the goal is to control your schedule, for example, the real issue might be about setting boundaries with others, learning to say 'no,' or confronting the fact that your work addiction is fueled by a need for external validation. Change is rarely as simple as it seems on the surface, so it’s helpful to remember this mantra: "If it was easy, you’d have done it already." This reminder can relieve some of the pressure you may place on yourself.
My Journey to Sobriety: Confronting Obstacles
This distinction between external and internal obstacles became profoundly clear to me when I decided to get sober. It wasn’t just about quitting drinking; it was about confronting uncomfortable challenges that had both internal and external roots.
Outward Changes: A New Environment
Externally, I needed a new environment. Most of my friendships had been based around alcohol and partying, so I had to let go of these relationships and find a new social circle—one that didn’t center around drinking. This meant stepping out of familiar territory and into new routines that supported my sobriety.
One of the most eye-opening moments came when I deconstructed my trips to the liquor store. I realized that there were numerous opportunities to make different choices. Each step along the way—thinking about going, grabbing my keys, getting in the car, starting the ignition—presented an opportunity to say 'no' and take a different path. Recognizing these choices helped me break the cycle.
Internal Changes: Facing Discomfort
Internally, I had to confront the discomfort I felt whenever I wanted to drink. It wasn’t just about craving alcohol; it was a deeper attempt to avoid the social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder I was experiencing. Beneath these surface-level feelings were even more uncomfortable emotions—anger, shame, sadness, and guilt—that I hadn’t allowed myself to face for years.
Understanding that these internal obstacles were driving my behavior was the breakthrough I needed. I had to sit with the discomfort, identify the emotions, and let them surface rather than numbing them with alcohol. By addressing both the internal and external obstacles, I was finally able to make sobriety work for me.
Identifying and Addressing External Obstacles
Here are some questions that can help you clarify what’s standing in your way externally:
"What’s stopping you?"
This question aims to uncover the physical, logistical, or resource-based barriers in your way. Maybe it’s time constraints or a lack of support.
What to do: Once identified, manage these obstacles directly. Break down the steps, allocate resources, and strategize for external support.
"What makes this hard to get done?"
This question digs into situational factors, like an overwhelming workload or a disorganized environment.
What to do: Create a more conducive environment for success, whether it’s reorganizing your space, simplifying your schedule, or delegating tasks.
"What do you need that you don’t have to reach your objective?"
This question prompts you to identify missing resources or tools necessary for progress.
What to do: Seek ways to acquire what you lack—through learning, building networks, or reallocating resources.
"What external factors will your plan need to account for if it’s going to work?"
This question prepares you for potential obstacles like unpredictable scheduling or lack of support.
What to do: Build a flexible plan that accounts for these variables. Adjust timelines, set realistic expectations, and leave room for course corrections.
"When you’ve tried to make changes like this in the past, what got in your way?"
This question encourages reflection on past attempts at change.
What to do: Use this insight to anticipate similar challenges and proactively strategize to overcome them.
Identifying and Addressing Internal Obstacles
Internal obstacles require a different approach—one that’s more about understanding and shifting internal narratives and responses. Here’s how you can start identifying what’s going on inside:
"What goes on inside of you when you think of launching into this?"
This question is meant to uncover emotional or physical responses you may not be fully aware of.
What to do: Once these feelings are identified, sit with them. Use mindfulness or journaling to explore their origins. This self-understanding can lead to greater clarity and compassion.
"What do you gain by not changing?"
This surprising question reveals the hidden rewards of staying the same, like comfort, risk avoidance, or maintaining a sense of control.
What to do: Acknowledge these perceived gains and ask yourself if they’re worth the cost of not evolving.
"What would you lose that’s important to you if you didn’t change?"
This question digs into the potential consequences of not acting, making it clear what’s at stake.
What to do: Use this awareness to build a stronger sense of urgency and commitment. Visualize the benefits of change to stay motivated.
"What’s the worst-case scenario here? What’s the fear behind it?"
This question helps you confront your deepest fears about the change.
What to do: Name the fear to reduce its power and create a contingency plan. Often, simply acknowledging the fear makes it feel less daunting.
Gaining Clarity and Moving Forward
By distinguishing between internal and external obstacles, you empower yourself to address them with the right strategy. Instead of feeling stuck or overwhelmed, you gain the tools to navigate challenges more effectively.
When dealing with external obstacles, focus on problem-solving, resource gathering, and setting clear, achievable steps.
When dealing with internal obstacles, lean into self-reflection, inner dialogue, and support systems that encourage you to face fears, unmet needs, and old beliefs.
Awareness is the starting point, but action is what ultimately drives change. Use these insights to guide your next steps, knowing that obstacles are not only a part of the process but the very path to meaningful transformation. You Don’t Have to Navigate Change Alone
Change is tough. It can feel isolating and overwhelming, especially when you’re facing hidden obstacles that are deeply rooted within or entangled in your everyday life. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do it alone. Whether it’s addressing external barriers, confronting internal fears, or just feeling stuck—sometimes, having a guide who’s walked a similar path can make all the difference.
If you’re ready to explore what’s holding you back, let’s have a conversation. Together, we can identify the roadblocks, create a strategy that’s tailored to your needs, and help you transform your obstacles into stepping stones.
You deserve a life that’s aligned with your true self, and I’m here to help you get there. Let’s talk—reach out today. Your journey of change begins with a single step, and I’d be honored to take it with you.
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